From the New Zealand Herald, Dec 3, 2015, where the title is “Mitchell Santner: How to silence an Aussie sledger”
They say honesty is the best policy and it proved to be an effective strategy for Black Caps debutant Mitchell Santner. An obvious target for the Australians when he walked out to bat for the first time in the day-night pink ball test in Adelaide, Santner provided the perfect simple response to the inevitable sledging. “(Nathan) Lyon asked straight away, ‘Are you nervous?'” Santner told Radio Sport earlier this week. “I was like, ‘Ah yeah,’ and that stopped the (conversation).”
Santner’s tactics worked perfectly. He went on to be New Zealand’s top run scorer in the match with knocks of 31 and 45. And his response joins the list of memorable comebacks to sledges in world cricket.
Here’s 10 of the best:
1. Ian Botham (England) and Rod Marsh (Australia)
Marsh: “So how’s your wife and my kids?”
Botham: “The wife is fine but the kids are retarded.”
2. Eddo Brandes (Zimbabwe) and Glenn McGrath (Australia)
McGrath: “Why are you so fat?”
Brandes: “Because every time I sleep with your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”
3. James Ormond (England) and Mark Waugh (Australia)
Waugh: “Mate, what are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.”
Ormond: “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.”
4. Merv Hughes (Australia) and Javed Miandad (Pakistan)
Miandad: “Merv you are a big, fat bus conductor.”
Hughes (after dismissing Miandad): “Tickets please.”
5. Merv Hughes (Australia) and Viv Richards (West Indies)
Richards: “Don’t you be staring at me, man. This is my island, my culture. And in my culture we just bowl.”
Hughes: “In my culture we just say, ‘F*** off.'”
6. Steve Waugh (Australia) and Jamie Siddons (Australia)
In a Sheffield Shield match while Waugh was taking a long time to take guard
Siddons: “For f***’s sake, mate, it’s not a f***ing Test match!”
Waugh: “Of course it’s not … You’re here.”
7. Viv Richards (West Indies) and Greg Thomas (England)
In an English county match after Richards played and missed a few times
Thomas: “It’s red, it’s round. Now f***ing hit it!”
Richards (after hitting a six): “You know what it looks like, now go and get it.”
8. Fred Trueman (England) and an unidentified young batsman
After Trueman dismissed the batsman
Batsman: “That was a very good ball, Fred.”
Trueman: “Aye, and it was wasted on you.”
9. Daryll Cullinan (South Africa) and Shane Warne (Australia)
Warne: “I’ve been waiting two years for another chance at you.”
Cullinan: “Looks like you spent it eating.”
10. Mike Atherton (England) and Ian Healy (Australia)
Healy called for Atherton to walk after catching an apparent edge
Healy: “You’re a f***ing cheat!”
Atherton: “When in Rome, dear boy.”